Submerged In Thoughts

Time.

2011-09-17T03:33:00.000-04:00

I'm sorry I have a problem showing you my feelings and the way I am at.
I want to be that the guy to show you the affectionous you deserve.
I realize I stall out and my mind goes blank.
It's not because of you.
It's due to other girls.
Girls who've broken my heart more times than I can count.
But I'm trying to the best to my ability to change this.
For you.
I know you may not see it at times, but with you.
I know I can make it happen.
I just need the time if you're willing to give me the chance.
And it'll become a whole different perspective for you.
Promise.
Pinky promise.

Your Highness.

2011-08-22T23:06:00.000-04:00

I'm not a model.
I'm not a genius.
I'm not a saint.
I'm just a man.
And so are you.
So who are you to judge.

A Work In Progress.

2011-08-22T22:40:00.001-04:00

We all think about a lot of things. Perhaps I'm different or maybe even considered weird for this particular thought that always seems to cross my mind day by day. This thought is about life in general. At what point and time did us Americans, or even in general become "brainwashed" to believe that you need certain objects in order to live life and to believe that's what you need to have to be "happy". I use to think that I needed a car, a job, a cell phone, ect. in order to live life. I can't recall when all of a sudden that this thought hit me and made me realize is this what we really need in order to live life. Are those nice and convenient? Sure. But are they required to live life? The "American Dream" is to get a job, get married, have a house and have kids. That "dream" isn't what I want. I know there is so much more to life than that. What the fuck is stopping me from just doing my own thing? Is it fear, or perhaps being alone. Really, I'm hoping for a world where there is no currency, no jobs, no bills, ect. and just survival. Maybe I'm fucked up in the head, I don't know but I do know I want some more drugs.

[The last sentence is just a temporary closure until I continue to add onto this.]

Later Gator.

2011-06-23T21:53:00.001-04:00

I promise.
Those are the words you said to me.
Those are the words you left me with.
I'm not quite sure you even know the definition of promise anymore.
Those words use to comfort me.
Now the thought of it all makes me sick.
I have to wonder if everyone who states I promise is just using it as a scapegoat.
I'm a man of my word.
And with the definition by my side.
You'll never get a second thought from me.
I promise.

Hard Knock Life.

2011-06-23T21:51:00.000-04:00

Roses are red.
Violets are blue.
Fuck it.
You're not worth my time to finish this.

Not For Those Eyes.

2011-06-22T06:10:00.001-04:00

The first word to my mind is.
Fuck.
Every other guy feels the same way.
You're a teaser, admit it.
What did you expect coming out like that.
That elegant body of yours.
The red lipstick to match that red dress.
Coincidence?
No.
The blood will match your colors.

Chance.

2011-06-22T04:45:00.000-04:00

Look babe, I need to talk to you.
But you're not going to say anything back.
Listen, just listen. Just listen.
And then sleep on it.
I can't keep doing this.
It isn't fair to you, and it's not fair to myself.
I was drunk, you were drunk.
I thought I loved you, you thought you loved me.
But lets get real.
You're not that girl.
I'm not that guy.
I wish you were awake to apologize.
If you're still by my side in the morning.
Then I'll reconsider my thoughts.

Ambition.

2011-01-16T19:08:00.001-05:00

I've been walking for what feels like forever.
Longer than I've wanted to.
My only guidance is this light ahead.
A light that I can't fucking seem to get to.
My mind is determined to reach out for this light.
My body is determined, my soul is determined.
I'm fatigued but I'm determined.
I'm alone, far too alone.
And perhaps this light is my mentality of hope.
Hope to quit being neglected.
Are you my light?

Lies Kill.

2011-01-13T21:54:00.002-05:00

This talent you've acquired brings a side out of me I've never met.

You're a chronic liar, quite good at it in fact.

Your lies on a spoon fed me so easily.

How could I of known with you being so innocent.

My body screams with such animosity, it's sickening.

And here you stand before me asking for mercy.

I smile and can't help but to start laughing deranged.

No sweetheart I say, there is no forgiveness here.

You see, your lies have changed who I am.

I've parted ways long ago with that man.

This man...this man will be the last those eyes ever see.

I certainly hope those tears are for what you've done.

And not for the fear of your life.

You see, your lies have changed who I am.

I've parted ways long ago with that man.

The damage has been done.

I'm the victim here, but tonight, this changes.

Your life away from this world is your mercy.

This is the solution, it needs to be done.

You see, your lies have changed who I am.

I've parted ways long ago with that man.

And your death will take me back to him.

The Plain Dealer Obituaries.

2010-12-28T16:59:00.002-05:00

I'm not writing these words for you, but for me.
You can call it a suicidal note, it's just my mind.
Who would give a shit if suicide was the case.
Would people mourn, would people care.
Or would I just be another to be forgotten.
My surroundings, they decay day by day.
Yet I stand before it all with this fake smile.
Does anyone know it's really fake.
These drugs bring this smile upon myself.
It's my sense of happiness.

I'm not writing these words for you, but for me.
You can call it a suicidal note, it's just my mind.
I don't seek attention, I seek more.

An hourglass before me, this sand sits still.
Different faces everyday, they appear happy.
Their hourglasses continue to fill.
I've been standing here all to long.
Someone, anyone, give me a nudge.
Show me a path, show me a light.
Help me with my hourglass.
This is not the life I've envisioned.
This is not the life I want.

I'm not writing these words for you, but for me.
You can call it a suicidal note, it's just my mind.
I don't seek attention, I seek more.

My heart, big yet shriveling.
Loneliness is our sidekick.
Why can't we get a chance.
We're ignored, we're denied.
Our hourglass continues to sit still.
And these drugs are my sense of happiness.

You can call it a suicidal note, it's just my mind.
I don't seek attention, I seek more.

A Message To Myself.

2010-07-27T16:36:00.001-04:00

Is it wrong to wish.
Perhaps in others eyes, if that wish was beyond normal.
Beyond normal is my wish although.
I don't want to lead a normal life.
College, job, wife, house, kids.
But who am I?
I'm Mike fucking Kochman.
Just another person living a typical life.
I guess that's why it's simply just...

a wish.

No Title.

2010-01-20T20:41:00.001-05:00

I'm a wall.
And for this, I apologize.
There's feelings beyond.
In due time.
This wall will crumble.